ZAP ROWSDOWER : THE HONEST PORTRAYAL OF A HERO

If you're familiar with Mystery Science Theater 3000 you know this odd name. It comes from the 1990 Canadian action horror sci-fi movie The Final Sacrifice which is considered one of the best episodes of the aforementioned legendary comedy series. If you're a child of the VHS generation, perhaps you picked up The Final Sacrifice under the more appropriately titled Quest For The Lost City at your local dive video store. Unfortunately, these days there is no DVD or Blu-ray of the unadulterated movie, but it has recently become one of my most watched MST3K episodes and I think I know why.
   I genuinely like the character of Zap Rowsdower. Not in some snarky, hipster type way either. I like him because, Zap is just an "everyman". He drives the truck with the missing gas pedal that your uncle drove. He dresses like your then recently divorced neighbor dressed back in the late 80s when he wanted to hit the town and pick up some women. He enjoys his beer like any stereotypical lower middle classer does. I'm even willing to bet he got his nickname "Zap" from his friends after he pissed on an electric fence and got his genitals shocked. Most realistically however, he has no desire to be the hero.
   In the movies we always see some quick witted hero who rarely gets flustered. This mythical hero is full of smart ass quips and seems to love capping off each successive bad guy and of course he never runs out of bullets. Rowsdower is not very bright and he is VERY angry at having to leave the bar and play a vanquisher of evil. Zap leaves the wise cracks at home and not only does he run out of bullets, but he also manages to tumble down the hill like Chris Farley while trying to escape. If like Zap you had to protect some strange gawky teenager that you didn't know from a cult with world domination plans, that had previously tortured and brainwashed you, you would just want to go home too. You’d be trying everything you could for a simple resolution that didn’t require a lot of action from you. You would be constantly complaining about being put in this dangerous situation and it would take a lot to convince you of some lost ancient city in the backwoods where you hunt grouse in the fall. Let's face it, Rowsdower is a guy we love to make fun of, but we probably wouldn't make half as good of a hero as he does. I know we all like to imagine ourselves as John Rambo or John McClane, but deep down let’s face it…we're all really just Zap Rowsdower.